


33 Hours and a Cabernet

by SVU_Addict



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alcohol, Drinking, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I just wanted to write a hurt comfort fic because I'm seriously in need of this, Ish?? - Freeform, Oral Sex, Sex, Teasing, Vaginal Fingering, You'll see what I mean, definitely explicit in later chapters, flashbacks?? kinda, i love these two, not really that as much as triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2018-11-16 01:27:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11243442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SVU_Addict/pseuds/SVU_Addict
Summary: Olivia Benson has been awake on an extremely stressful case for 33 hours. She finally takes Barba up for that drink.





	1. I could use a drink

“Lieutenant? You goin’ home? It’s late, y’know. It’s almost 2 in the morning.”

Olivia blinked out of a deep concentration and looked up from her paperwork, taking her glasses off to look at the time on her desktop monitor. She squinted as her eyes adjusted to the light, and read the numbers on the corner of the screen: 1:49. “So it is,” she confirmed, leaning back in her chair and swiveling to look towards Rollins. “Yeah, probably. This case, it has my skin crawling…I’ve been trying to focus on something else,” she sighed, holding up the clipboard that she had been focused on for the last hour and a half as evidence. “I’ve gone over the statements a hundred times, second guessed myself – “

“Hey,” Rollins interrupted, sitting on the edge of Olivia’s desk. She smiled weakly and shook her head lightly. “Don’t let this one get to you. You’re really involved in this, and I get why, but…you gotta go home and get some rest so you can fight it with all your strength. We’ll get this guy.”

Olivia sighed, folding her glasses and placing them in their case. “I know,” she lied, biting her lip and tossing the clipboard onto her desk. Still leaned back, she picked up her hairclip from the edge of her desk and threw her hair up into a messy twist. “I just…need to get it over with. I need Rachel to realize it wasn’t her fault and that he can’t hurt her anymore. He’s in custody, and all she has to do is testify, but she’s so terrified…”

“There you go again, Lieutenant,” Rollins scolded, standing up and grabbing her coat off a nearby chair. “No disrespect, but you’re not thinking clearly right now. You’ve been awake for close to, what, 30 hours now?”

“33,” Olivia corrected, shoulders slumping in defeat. “You’re right,” she admitted, standing slowly and picking up her own coat and bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Rollins.”  
“’Night Lieutenant,” she replied, giving a small salute and walking towards the door of the squad room.

Olivia watched her go, sighing as she walked out of sight. She slumped back down in her chair, her coat forgotten, her head buried in one of her hands. How could she be this involved in a case? She had been involved with others, and she was used to it, but every time it happened it somehow caught her off guard. This girl had been tortured, raped, beaten, humiliated, and the man had managed to manipulate her into complete and total compliance to keep some sort of control over her, however fleeting it was. She wondered how Amanda was so calm, so collected, and why she was so worrisome and terrified. She shook her head minutely and stood up once more, grabbing her coat and swinging it over her shoulders. As she turned around, she heard footsteps and saw Rafael Barba walking towards her with his hands in his coat pockets. He looked…well, just about as bad as she supposed she did.

“Barba. What’s going on?”

“Can’t focus,” he sighed, smiling unconvincingly back at her. “This case has me in knots. As an ADA, I’m trying to keep my eyes on one track, but my concentration keeps slipping.” He opened his mouth to say something else, but closed it to stop himself. She saw a twinge of embarrassment in his eyes. He usually wasn’t open with anyone, she knew, and he had probably already said too much for his liking. “What about you? You’re here at nearly 2 am; I’m assuming you’re not detached from this case either.”

“On the contrary,” she sighed, smiling a bit. “I’m completely involved. It’s nothing new, but it still gets to me.” She looked into his face and saw both defeat and worry, which she hated to see in the ADA. He was always confident in and out of the courtroom, his gaze piercing, his words sharp, his thoughts seeming to race. When his confidence slipped and his gaze was hazy, it was always shocking to her and the rest of the squad. Then again, she was usually able to spot it a lot faster. She considered an idea for a moment, then decided it was worth proposing. “Can I take you up on that drink? You look like you could use one.” After all, Noah was with Lucy for the next day and a half; she'd offered to take him in the wake of this case, and she'd reluctantly accepted, knowing she needed that break.

“I could say the same for you,” he replied, his face lighting up at her request and his hands slipping out of his pockets. “I suppose we’ve already established that. But yes, I’d love one. It’s sort of late, though…” he murmured, furrowing his brows and thinking for a moment. “My place?” he suggested calmly, raising a brow. “I’ve got a nice cabernet that you might like.”

“I didn’t take you for the cabernet type,” she teased, beginning to walk towards the squad room door and towards the elevator. Barba quickly followed suit.

“I’m not,” he replied, smiling in a way Olivia could only describe as mischievous. It was the smile he wore when he had a trick up his sleeve in the courtroom. “I got it as a gift from a colleague not long ago, and haven’t opened it.”

“Perfect,” she replied, pressing the down button on the elevator panel. She put her hands in her pockets and leaned on the wall to face him. “You did well during the arraignment,” she said, trying to initiate some small talk to break the silence. They were both on edge; the last thing either of them needed was an awkward, empty silence.

“Thank you,” he replied, his chest puffing up a bit. He always did enjoy praise. “Piece of cake, really. You got the evidence we needed to arrest him. You and your squad do all of the hard work; I just take care of the technical details.”

“Bullshit,” she laughed as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. She stepped in and leaned against the back wall. “Your demeanor in the courtroom, your smart mouth…we just get the evidence. You win the cases against those elite defense lawyers and manipulative, screwed up tactics the defendants use to try and get in the jury’s’ heads. You’re the brains of the operation, always have been.”

Barba smiled back at her, seeming far more relaxed than he had been when he’d walked into her squad room. “Well, sure I have the brains…but you guys have the guts,” he explained, leaning against the wall next to her and holding onto the bar. 

“Not always,” she replied, raising an eyebrow. “Sometimes we falter. But my team is one of the best. I’m so proud of them all the time, for what they do, what the accomplish.”

“As you should be,” he sighed as the elevator opened. They walked out of the building in silence, but both smiling as Barba started to hail a cab.

“Barba,” she said, lowering his hand with her own. “I have a squad car.”

“Right,” he said, blinking. “Sorry. Out of it.”

“I could tell,” she teased, smirking and grabbing her keys out of her bag. She swung them around on her fingers and walked towards the car, unlocking it and getting in. He got in next to her, put in the directions to his apartment, and they were there in 10 minutes.

They walked into the building in total silence and side by side, the awkward tension palpable as they stepped into his apartment. It was decorated tastefully, she noted. He had deep brown leather sofas, beige walls, a modern kitchen – everything she expected from him. It looked like his office, only more like a home. 

“Should have known you’d bring your work home with you,” she remarked, noticing a pile of rather messily-arranged folders and papers on his coffee table. Her words dropped into the silence, and Barba welcomed the reprieve. 

“Don’t you?” he responded, already knowing the answer to that question as he set off towards the kitchen. “I know we both do emotionally.”

“That’s true,” she said, sitting on one of the couches and sprawling out a bit. She was absolutely exhausted, and somehow felt comfortable around Barba. It wasn’t really a surprise to her, as Barba was one of her colleagues and closest friends, but there was certainly more to it than that. There had been more for a long while, at least on her end. “Physically, I usually leave my paperwork at home, but I take casefiles now and again.”

She let her eyes close as she heard the pop of a cork and Barba pouring wine into a glass. He had fallen into a silent concentration while he opened the bottle. She noticed that the pouring had stopped, but she didn’t hear him moving. She opened her eyes and turned to see him…was he staring? she thought, raising an eyebrow at him. His eyes were certainly wider than usual, and his stance was rigid. “Barba?” she propositioned, smiling.

Barba shook his head and blinked a few times, going back to his work. “Apologies,” he muttered, turning to pick up a decanter on his counter behind him. “Staring into space,” he said, which Olivia knew was an excuse. She shrugged and leaned back again as Barba poured golden liquid into a short glass for himself, filling it probably more than was necessary. She giggled at that.

“What?” he said sharply, though with no malice.

“Nothing,” she said quickly, waving a hand dismissively. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him handing her the glass of wine, and she sat up and took it from him gently. “Thank you,” she said, grinning and taking a sip of it. She draped one arm over the back of the sofa as he sat down next to her, lifting her drink to her lips and taking a long sip. “So…”

“So,” he replied matter-of-factly, looking at her with a rather confused and embarrassed expression. “I honestly don’t know what we’re doing here,” he admitted, laughing a bit.

“Neither do I, in truth,” she responded, taking another smaller sip of the cabernet. “This is delicious,” she commented, holding the deep red liquid up against the warm light of a lamp beside her. 

“I’m glad you like it,” he said softly, leaning back and taking a swig of what she assumed was scotch. It was pretty much all he ever drank, at least that she had seen. 

“Have you ever had anything other than scotch?”

“I could say the same thing of you with red wines,” he retorted, chuckling and taking another sip. 

“Touché,” she responded in defeat. She swirled her wine around in the glass, enjoying the way the light caught the rich color of it and sparkled. She realized in that moment just how tired she was, but not in a sleepy way. She was mentally exhausted, emotionally wrecked, and focused on literally anything else other than her obtrusive, racing thoughts. There was a reason she didn’t like the silence between her and Barba, a reason she was so tentative; she was attracted to him, of course, but she had come to his apartment to have someone to talk to. Someone who would listen. She had accepted his offer of drinks after weeks because she knew she needed to talk, to be able to breathe. She knew he would listen, but she was afraid to tell him everything. She had no way of knowing how he would take the information, or whether he would acknowledge it as weakness rather than anything else. 

“Liv?”  
His soft voice laced with concern shook her out of her unfocused reverie. “Hm?” she murmured, sipping her wine.

“You looked upset for a moment there. You alright?”

Olivia very carefully considered her response. She tried to keep her face as neutral as possible while she did. She couldn’t vent to him, she couldn’t tell him everything she was feeling, even though she felt like she was about to burst with the intensity of it all. She also didn’t want to lie, to bottle it all up, but what choice did she have? “I’m fine,” she sighed, smiling as convincingly as she could.

“Bullshit. I know you better than that. I can see when you’re stressed.” He sipped his drink, a thoughtful expression spreading across his face. “What’s going on?” He paused for a moment, and Olivia felt, rather than saw, his hand covering hers between them. She supposed she was too focused on his eyes. 

“I’m…not sure,” she lied, taking a large gulp of her wine. “I’m…I don’t know. I’m just really tired,” she explained, her eyes watering without her say so. She didn’t even feel the tears coming when they’d been talking earlier. With his touch and his words, he’d somehow pulled a brick out of her very carefully constructed walls, and she was beginning to falter. Damn my lack of sleep, she thought, cursing her own insomnia and anxiety.

Barba’s face immediately went from pensive to concerned, and he tentatively closed his hand around hers. “I know,” he said, a bit out of his depth but willing to help. “You can talk, if you need to. There’s a reason I invited you out for drinks a while back, y’know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” he explained, smiling weakly. “Not as colleagues, but as friends. Rant, talk about our lives…etcetera,” he explained, seeming to have something else to say but neglecting to say it.

“Wish I’d said yes earlier,” she said, a tear falling from her eye, which she quickly wiped away with the hand holding her glass. “Damn,” she whispered, turning away from him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean – “

“Liv, it’s okay,” he replied, squeezing her hand tighter. “I pushed you, I’m sorry – “

“No, it’s not that,” she replied, tears starting to fall faster. She cursed her own lack of self-control. Usually she could be so collected, so professional, but something slipped, there was a crack in the lens and she couldn’t fix it. “I hate sometimes that I’m so comfortable around you. Every time you talk to me I’m…somehow calmer, more relaxed, more at home. Your confidence is what gives me balance, especially in our work. You always manage to stay calm and collected, and you give me something to hold onto, to believe in. And sometimes my emotions just…” she faltered, choking slightly. “I’m sorry, Rafael.”

She expected him to shift, to stiffen, to back away. Instead, infuriatingly, he moved closer, downing the rest of his scotch and placing the glass on the table with a thump. “Liv, it’s okay. It’s okay,” he cooed, squeezing her hand tighter still and turning to face her. “It’s okay to cry now and again. Hell, if I had your job, I’d cry practically every day. The things you see, the things you do…you’re the bravest person I’ve ever known. And I’m grounded by you half the time. In the courtroom, out of it…your confidence when you walk into a room, the way you interrogate a witness to get into his head, the limits you’ll go to to win a case and put a psychopath in jail where he belongs…you ground me, Olivia Benson. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have emotion, or cry, or even have a breakdown now and again. We are all human, especially you.”

The entire time he’d been speaking, she’d been staring directly into his eyes. The shade of blue was overwhelmingly calming to her somehow, and every word he spoke sent her brain flying onto a different plane. She grounded him? She had always seen it in the exact opposite direction, and to know that someone she cared about, someone she knew, saw her as something good and something strong, was almost too much. She smiled at him weakly and looked down at their hands. “I don’t know what to say to that,” she said simply and truthfully, gulping down the rest of her wine and setting the glass on the table. “I really don’t.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he said, smiling the sweetest smile she’d ever seen from him. It was caring, and his eyes sparkled with kindness in a way she’d never seen before. It was a completely different side of him, and she felt honored to be able to see it, to be able to see him.

And at that moment, she realized he was completely right. She didn’t have to say anything, but she could do something else. She leaned forward before thinking about it too much and pressed her lips to his chastely, closing her eyes and praying to whatever god was out there that he would reciprocate, or at least not kill her. And reciprocate he did; he returned the kiss with fervor, and she melted into him as he wrapped an arm around her, letting go of everything in favor of this one moment. She had finally given in; she was completely, undeniably, and unbelievably fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I completely forgot about Noah. I'm a dumbass. I added some clarification as to where he is during these first two chapters, lol.


	2. Consequences Be Damned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER

In the moments that followed her initial decision to kiss him, her mind and body both swirled far out of her own control. She had always wanted to do just that, but somehow had never let herself dwell on the thought. She always feared that any step in that direction would jeopardize their professional relationship, but sometimes he looked so…kissable. Sometimes when he won a case and shot her a triumphant glance in the courtroom, she imagined pinning him against the wall and gripping his silk tie to pull him to her. Sometimes when he spoke to her – not as a colleague, but as a friend, softly and kindly – she wanted to take his hand, ruffle his hair, kiss him, do anything to be closer to him. She was hopelessly head over heels for Rafael Barba, but she wouldn’t admit it to herself, let alone him. But with the wine settling into her system and clouding her thoughts, along with the emotions already pouring out of her, she’d said to hell with hesitations. She’d waited far too long for this, and she worried she should have buried it, but this felt too good to be wrong, and too wrong to be good.

And _thank God_ , he was reciprocating. He was an amazing kisser, she realized, and she somehow wasn’t surprised. Though, the thought of him with other women had jealousy bubbling up into her throat, which she let out in a strangled, soft sound as she wrapped an arm around him and pulled him to her. She had no right to feel jealous, and she started to feel regret settling in her stomach for having been possessive. Before that could fester, though, she felt his tongue in her mouth and his hand in her hair and _oh God_ he was _pulling her hair_ and she nearly lost it right then and there. She shuddered violently against him and felt her breath escape her in a rush as she pulled away for the first time. She caught a glimpse of him and let out a soft squeak. His hair was ruffled, his pupils were blown, and his lips were red, and above all, she’d done that to him. _She’d done that to Rafael Barba_ , and with that thought she descended on him again, more ferociously than she cared to admit.

Barba couldn’t believe what was happening. He wanted to slap himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, to wake himself from whatever beautiful daydream this was. But it was real, he finally conceded – Olivia Benson, _his_ Olivia, was kissing him and touching him and close to him, and he growled in his throat as she bit his bottom lip sharply. That action snapped him out of his initial euphoric haze, and he snapped his eyes open as he pulled away to begin peppering her neck with kisses. He wanted to make her feel good, more than anything; she’d been through enough lately, and she deserved to let go. He only hoped she’d trust him to help her, to hold her, to love her.

Olivia’s eyes rolled back as she felt Rafael’s lips on her neck. He had just a bit of stubble, and it felt amazing as he laid kisses along her pulse point, her neck, her collarbone. She felt a few nibbles here and there that he quickly soothed by running his tongue over them, and every time his lips met her skin it felt like a flurry of sparks burning into her flesh. She felt her body relax as he wound his hands around her torso, holding her gently and flush to him. She continued to run her hands through his hair, tugging and making a noise in the back of her throat whenever he did something she liked, which was often. Eventually she bent her head down to kiss him again, and he kissed her back a few times before pulling back and holding a finger to her lips.

“Livia,” he breathed, his voice deep and husky in a way that sent a jolt of pure bliss through Olivia’s entire body. He leaned in to whisper in her ear, “ _Déjame cuidarte_ , _mi amor._ ”

His slipping into Spanish had her tilting her head back and letting out a low hum in the back of her throat as she relaxed into him. She felt safe in his arms, secure. She was usually the one to take control in these situations, at least for a time and if it was someone she was comfortable with. But his tone of voice, his arms wrapped around her, his mouth on her neck and collarbone – it was all far too much for her to resist him. She had learned how much he cared for her, how much she meant to him and vice versa; she was beyond the point of refusal, and she didn’t even want to refuse, consequences be damned. She let herself lean into him as he continued, and she felt his hand brush her skin underneath her shirt.

She felt her body beginning to coil up in pleasure as he continued, and she longed to be rid of her clothing by this point. It was sticking to her in a way that made her uncomfortable in this state. She knew he was deliberately taking his time, trying to do everything he could to make her feel good, and the thought had her head spinning almost as much as his touches did. She eventually pulled back to unbutton her shirt with a precision that surprised her, and she shrugged it off her shoulders before pulling him into a brief kiss. “Off with this,” she murmured against his lips, tugging at his suit jacket and pulling it off his shoulders.

She hadn’t expected him to, but he pulled back from her entirely, and she watched hungrily as he took off his jacket, vest, and tie. The lack of contact had her body thrumming with want, and even though it was over quickly, she felt as though he was taking hours. Though she wanted to rip it off him, she forced herself to keep her actions in check and carefully unbuttoned his shirt, aware that it was one of his favorites (and hers too), and she didn’t want to ruin it.  It was a soft grey that complimented him well, and she always felt her stomach jump when he wore it. She threw it aside and pulled him to her again, her hands roaming over his now bare torso, making mental notes of every curve of his muscles, every tiny scar she felt. She wanted to memorize him, take time with him.

Before she could do much of that, he was on top of her again, gently pushing her down against the sofa and kissing her hungrily and faster than before. It was lips, tongues, and teeth, and she couldn’t get enough of it. It was like the best drug in the world to her, and she was convinced she’d overdose if she got in too deep. It was then that he bit down on a sweet spot on her neck, and she moaned and keened upwards. _Too late_. Her eyes were closed, but she felt his hand deftly undo the clasp of her bra after only a few tries, and she sat up slightly to take it off and throw it to the side. “That was quick,” she remarked, her mouth going into a smirk. “You have a lot of experience with that?”

Rafael let out a small chuckle as he took in the sight of her naked torso. She saw his gaze falter and his mouth twitch into a wicked smile. “I do,” he conceded, leaning down to whisper in her ear. She leaned into the hand that now rested on the center of her chest, desperate for more friction, more touches, anything.

“I do,” he repeated. “If you’d like, I can give you details. I think it’d be entertaining.”

“Don’t you dare,” she growled, actually _growled_ , and proceeded to nip his neck sharply. He hissed into her ear and returned the favor, making her arch into him again.

Barba realized he was distracted from his promise; he wanted to make her feel good, and by God he would do it for hours if she’d let him. This was about her tonight, not his own need to show off or drive her crazy. Her possessiveness had his cock rising to attention in a matter of seconds, and he sighed as he lowered his mouth to kiss her chest where his hand had been. “You’re right,” he said softly against her skin, moving perilously close to her right breast and purposefully avoiding it. “This is about you, tonight,” he reminded her and himself, finally latching on to one breast as he ran his fingernails up and down her left side ever so lightly in a way he knew would send her arching into him.

And arch she did. Olivia moaned loudly, nearly embarrassing herself as he continued to suck at her breast. She alternated between arching and relaxing into him, reveling in the feeling of his mouth on her and his hand brushing up and down her side in a way that made her shiver. Every move he made, every twitch, sent jolts of pleasure down to her core, and she knew she wouldn’t last long. She was already losing her mind, and he hadn’t even taken her pants off yet. Speaking of which, she thought, he hadn’t even taken his pants off. She tugged at his belt and undid the buckle. “Raf,” she breathed, unable to articulate much more in her lust-addled state.

He understood perfectly, much to her delight, and nearly ripped the belt out of its loops when he pulled back from her and sat up. She laid back as she waited for him, her body screaming in protest at the lack of contact, nearly purring as she watched him. She licked her lips quickly as he stood briefly to take his pants, socks and shoes off, and she smiled slyly and stretched her arms above her.

Rafael nearly had a heart attack when he saw her arms stretched over her head like a cat and that sweet smile of hers. She looked beautiful, absolutely _delicious_ , and it was all he could do not to throw himself on her in a matter of seconds. He decided he would tease her further, as he saw the need building in her eyes behind the smile she wore. She was still keening ever so slightly towards him, her body clearly begging for some sort of release, and so he concocted a rather awful plan.

He positioned himself on the opposite end of the sofa on his hands and knees, and crawled up to her slowly to where he had his hands on the sofa on either side of her waist. He planted a gentle kiss on her navel that had her mewling like a kitten and letting her fingers intertwine with his left hand while her other hand remained above her head. He smiled and laughed softly against her skin, continuing to plant soft kisses on every inch of skin he could find, noting the spots that made her shuffle or squirm, sigh or moan. He slipped her shoes off, undid her belt, and carefully removed it, unzipping her pants and _ever so slowly_ sliding them down her legs, following with kisses except where he knew she wanted it most.

“Rafael,” she begged him, lifting her hips as he slid her pants off her. Her face was red and her fingers had tightened around his considerably, her other hand in her hair and her eyes closed. “ _Por favor_ , before I murder you, _please_ do something.”

“I am doing something,” he teased, finally slipping her pants off her and discarding them haphazardly. He noticed that her pale pink panties matched her bra, and his cock twitched at that realization. “Be more specific, _querida_.”

She let out a strangled, frustrated noise, and removed her hand from his to tangle it in his hair, tilting his head to look her in the eyes. “Please, for the love of God, Rafael. _Fuck. Me_.”

That was it. He was dying. The way she said those words, the surprising intensity of it, and the realization that Lieutenant Olivia Benson had just begged him to fuck her was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, and he swore right then that it would remain the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen so long as he lived. He wasted no time peeling her panties from her legs and pressing kisses lower and lower, giving in and placing two fingers at her entrance, teasing her but giving her enough friction to lean into.

“Yessss,” she hissed out, pushing her hips towards him in an erratic rhythm. He placed one hand on her hip to help her even it out, and in a few moments, he slid one finger into her. She tightened her fingers in his hair as she let out a long, deep moan, and his own body rejoiced at the ever so slight twinge of pain. He thrust inside of her a few more times, keeping his and her rhythm in sync as she bucked into his hand, and once she was moaning his name, he started curling her fingers inside of her.

Olivia was having trouble breathing at this point, much less keeping a rhythm. She couldn’t focus on anything but the pure carnal pleasure coursing through every nerve ending in her body, and it made her want to scream. She felt his fingers curl inside of her and she nearly lost it, shouting his name in a breathy yelp as she bucked towards him erratically, mind in a haze of lust. He continued to thrust and curl in alternation, bringing her so close and yet keeping her far away from her release. “Rafael,” she breathed, surprised at just how high-pitched her voice was. “Please, please…”

Rafael didn’t wait any longer, as he knew if he teased her any more he’d probably end up with a broken nose. He finally conceded and lowered his head to lap at her, finding her clit and sucking on it sharply. He continued his rhythm with his fingers, but curled to it her sweet spot with every thrust now, keeping his hand firmly gripping her hip to hold her steady as she started to ride the waves of her first release.

Olivia bucked into him wildly as she felt her release wash over her, and she screamed his name and a litany of gibberish as she rode through it, loving the way he brought her down and down and down with each movement he made. He made it intense at the beginning and eased her back to reality at the close, and she was amazed and in awe at how well he could do that. She realized how calm she felt, how safe, how utterly loved, and she felt her eyes brim with tears at the realization. When she finally opened her eyes, Rafael was leaning over her with a concerned and mildly scared look on his face.

“Livia? Are you okay?”

She realized she much look sort of a mess, considering that not two minutes ago she’d had the best orgasm of her life, and now a tear was running down her cheek. “I’m fine,” she choked, surprised at how much her voice faltered. “I’m fine, I’m more than fine,” she said, kissing him briefly. She tasted herself on his lips and smiled at that. It was somehow the hottest thing to her in that moment.

“You’re crying,” he pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

“Happy tears,” she giggled, gently laying a hand on his neck and bringing him down to kiss his forehead. “I’m happy. So unbelievably happy.”

She felt him relax and sigh at her words, thankful that she’d pacified him for the moment. He put a hand on her back and helped her sit up, kissing her forehead in turn and laying his against hers. “I’m glad. God, I thought I’d hurt you…”

“No!” Olivia said, smiling gently at him. “You didn’t. I don’t think you could hurt me if you tried,” she assured him, throwing her arms over his shoulders and linking her wrists. “Not even if you tried.”

They stayed that way for what seemed like forever, and Olivia felt the physical proof of his arousal beginning to make him uncomfortable. “Bedroom,” she whispered, getting up from the couch and walking towards the hallway with her back to him. She was glad he couldn’t see her grin as she sauntered into the room at the end of the hallway, and she felt a jolt of excitement run through her as she heard footsteps following her. She was in for a long and wonderful night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I enjoyed writing it. I wanted to play with their dynamic, sort of. Basically I just hope I kept it somewhat in character. Forgive me, this is my first real...smut fic? I guess? God I hate myself why did I write this ahaha
> 
> Also, full disclosure, I DO NOT SPEAK SPANISH. If any of these translations are incorrect, p l e a s e let me know. I will gladly fix them. Kudos and comments are very much appreciated!!


	3. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia fears being found out. When they are discovered, Barba makes a mistake that won't go unnoticed by Benson.

Olivia had been right. She had been in for a long, wonderful night, and admittedly one of the hottest ones of her entire life. They never did anything too far out of their comfort zones, though; it was passionate, fast-paced, but loving and careful. One thing that stood out to her was Rafael’s gentlemanly approaches; he constantly asked her for consent, even after she’d said yes to him a good ten times. She was in awe at how gentle he was with her, and how tender his gazes were. She’d never forget the way that he looked at her when he was inside her, as though he was looking at the most precious thing he’d ever had. He looked at her with hunger and with reverence, with calm serenity and burning passion. She’d never seen that look in a man’s eyes before when he looked at her, and she doubted she ever would again with anyone else. Not even Cassidy had treated her so well, and a few times she let tears fall with how loved she felt by the man above her.

The next morning was quiet, but sweet, as they both got up and Olivia left quickly so she could get ready for work that day. They talked about the night previous, talked about the day ahead and the cases they’d face. It was all unusually normal, and yet the air had changed between them. They gave each other a kiss as she walked out of his apartment, as though they’d been together for years. They didn’t even blink an eye to it; it was oddly natural.

When she walked out of his apartment complex, the whole world was pink and blue and yellow with the sunrise, and as she bought some weak coffee from a 24-hour place on his street, she thought she’d never forget this moment. The simplistic beauty of the whole thing had her head spinning and her mouth curving into a stupid smile, the one she sometimes wore in her high school days. Not only was she happy and wonderfully in love, but the world seemed to have a new hue to it. Everything that morning seemed clearer to her, more vibrant, more hopeful.

As the weeks went on, she began to make more of an effort to see him, whether at work or at his or her place. He usually wouldn’t come to them with certain pieces of paperwork, but now he started making more visits for more and more trivial things. Olivia never showed her affection for him at work, knowing that if anyone found out, it would make things more awkward than they needed to be. She didn’t need Rollins asking her how things were going, or Carisi trying to be Barba’s wingman. She could see that part in her head, and it made her cringe.

Lately she’d been noticing her squad watching her in funny ways. They’d been smiling at her more often, being more…friendly, she supposed. She didn’t know what they knew, but she knew they were suspicious of something. She’d started to wonder how long she could hide it. After all, they were detectives. Hell, a five-year-old could probably figure her and Barba out.

“Liv?”

Olivia blinked her eyes and looked up from the warrant she hadn’t really been reading. She took her glasses off and carefully folded them, laying them down on her desk in front of her and crossing her hands over the warrant. “Sorry, Fin. Continue.”

Fin looked strange, and she could see the gears turning behind his eyes. He had his brows furrowed and his mouth curved into a smirk, which immediately made her roll her eyes.

“What, Fin?”

He stepped into her office and clicked the door shut behind him. “You okay, Lieutenant?”

“Just fine,” she replied, smiling innocently and standing from her chair. She straightened her blazer nervously and rested her hands at her sides. “Worked up over this case. Why?”

“No, it’s not that,” he said, still wearing that smirk on his face. She had an instinct to punch it clean off. “You’ve seemed a lot…better, these last few weeks. Rollins and Carisi sent me in to ask,” he said, and she looked past her blinds to see Carisi and Rollins watching them eagerly.

“Oh for Christ’s sake,” she said, rolling her eyes. “At least you’re honest with me. Yes, I am happier lately. But not for the reason you think.”

“You sure?”

“Yes,” she replied, smiling curtly. “Now don’t you have paperwork to do? Something?”

“Sure, but – “

“Go do that,” she said, waving a hand dismissively. “Oh, and Fin?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t ask me again. Seriously. It’s getting creepy the way you all look at me.”

“Copy that, Lieutenant,” he replied, throwing his hands up in the air before exiting. She smirked when she saw Rollins’s and Carisi’s faces fall when Fin gave them the news.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Rafael, you got that warrant?”

“Right here,” he replied, waving his hand with the papers in it and smirking widely at Olivia. “Took fifteen minutes to convince the judge, but I got it. Have at it.”

“Wonderful!” Olivia sighed, clapping her hands together, relieved. “Rollins, Fin, you’ve got the apartment search. If you find anything, which you will,” she said, turning towards Fin. “Call me down there. Got it?”

“Got it,” they both said in unison.

“For now, though, finish up that paperwork I gave you. The Chief put a rush on it.”

“No problem,” Rollins replied, both she and Fin heading back to their desks and starting their work.

She thought she noticed them look at Barba and then her as they walked away, but she shook the thought from her mind. Olivia sighed and closed her eyes, walking into her office and sinking into her chair. She put her head in one hand, smiling lightly despite the fact that she was unbelievably stressed. She saw out of the corner of her eye that Rafael was entering her office with his hands in his pockets and a wide smile on his face.

“Finally,” she sighed, looking up at him. “God, we’ve been trying for a week now just to get a shred of something to show probable cause, and thank God for you for making our tiny shred of evidence enough for a warrant. I owe you.”

“No you don’t,” he replied, laughing lightly. She smiled at that, as his laugh always managed to lighten her mood and even twist her stomach into knots. “Changing the subject…there’s something I need to talk about with you.”

His tone was suddenly more serious, and Olivia’s smile faded. She stood up and walked closer to him, but not too close; her nervousness began to bubble up in her chest. “What about?”

“Cribs,” he said simply, smiling briefly and walking out of her office with his hands behind his back, leaving Olivia in his wake, completely dumbfounded. She followed suit quickly, trying her hardest not to catch Carisi’s attention as she entered the cribs after Rafael. She wondered briefly if she’d done something wrong, if she’d said something to upset him. She shook the thought out of her mind in order to keep herself composed, and she shut the door behind them both. She turned to face Rafael and sighed softly.

“What is it?” she whispered, realizing she sounded far too nervous.

“It’s not bad, Livi,” he responded, giggling slightly. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, _querida_.”

Olivia sighed and put her hand over her chest. “You scared me. What is it though, seriously?”

“Well,” Rafael said, swaying forward and back like a kid scared to ask a girl out. “I know your birthday isn’t for another few weeks, but…” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small blue velvet box. “I got you something.”

“If that’s a ring I’ll kill you,” she teased, walking further towards him.

“No,” he laughed, opening it. Inside were two delicate turquoise stud earrings, each with a smaller diamond on either side of it. “I know you like turquoise, so…happy birthday.”

“God, Rafael,” she sighed, gingerly taking the box from him and picking up one of the earrings between her forefinger and thumb. “They’re stunning. Why the hell did you spend this kind of money on me?” she teased lightly, nudging him back.

“Because you’re worth it,” he responded. “And because there was a sale,” he whispered lightly, laughing. “Seriously, Liv. Happy birthday. It’s the least I could do.”

“They’re beautiful,” she said softly, leaning forward to kiss him. “Thank you, Rafi.”

“Of course,” he whispered, kissing her back and placing a hand on her jaw.

Olivia felt the contact rush through her like an electric current. She hadn’t been even slightly intimate with him since…well, since their first night together. They’d both been so busy, and with their schedules so tightly wound up they barely saw each other outside of work except for the odd lunch break. She sighed lightly into the kiss and set the little box on a top bunk next to her, placing a hand on the back of his neck.

Rafael pulled her slightly closer by her waist, letting his hand wander up and down and kissing her with more fervor, and she felt him smile against her lips. She’d missed this contact, missed the way he held her. They continued like this for a few minutes, their kisses far gentler than the first time they’d done this; he was taking his time, savoring it, and she adored him for it. She would have enjoyed it longer had she not heard the click of a door opening behind them.

_Oh fuck. Oh for the love of fucking fuck._

Liv opened her eyes and whipped around faster than she thought possible, and sure enough, there stood a very bewildered, very smug Carisi, with a donut in his hand and a stupid smile on his face. She straightened her blazer and ran a hand through her hair, which she was sure was mussed up by that point. “Do you ever knock?!” she scream-whispered, crossing her arms.

“You and Barba,” he said calmly, that stupid smug grin still spread across his face. He took a bite of his donut, seeming to be thinking about his next move. She looked behind her to avoid that gaze of his, only to be met with Rafael’s red cheeks and bewildered expression. His mouth was slightly open, his hair was ruffled, and she would have laughed was it not for their current situation.

She turned to Carisi, noticing he had stepped back and out of the cribs. His smile had widened, if that was even possible, and Olivia’s eyes widened as her expression stiffened. “Don’t you dare,” she breathed, walking a step closer to him.

Before she could act, he had darted to the side and back out into the squad room, and she was right on his heels the whole time, even knowing that anything she said would have no effect now. She stopped as they re-entered the room, and she felt her entire face turn red as Carisi said what he said next.

“Barba. It’s Barba.”

“Oh thank God!” Rollins exclaimed, clapping her hands together and leaning back in her chair. “Finally.”

“We knew you know,” Fin said, noticing Olivia’s red face and open mouth. “Now we can finally rest easy.”

“You have no idea how much of a relief this is,” Rollins laughed, standing and walking over to Olivia. “Seriously. We’ve been wagering on you two for months now.”

Olivia felt a hand on the small of her back, and she relaxed into the contact when she realized it was Rafael. “Fine. Yes, we’re an 'item'," she trilled in her best high school girl voice. "Now can you please go back to work, children?”

Carisi chuckled at that and Rollins rolled her eyes as they all sat down at their desks and started working again. Olivia was surprised at how…well that had gone over. She had expected someone to disapprove, but that certainly hadn’t happened. She sighed and relaxed, closing her eyes and putting her face in her hands. “Dammit,” she breathed, looking back at Rafael. “Did that really just happen?”

“Yes,” he replied, smiling. “It did.”

“Hey,” Fin said. “It’s ten o clock, Liv. Why don’t you clock out? I’ll handle any paperwork you need me to. After that episode, you probably need some time to process,” he laughed.

“You think?” she whispered, though a small smile crept across her face. “Thanks, Fin. It’s all on my desk,” she replied.

“I’ve already clocked out for the day,” Barba explained, taking her hand and kissing her cheek. Olivia’s entire body tensed at that, her hand tightening around his. _Bastard!_ “Let’s go, _querida_.”

At that, she saw Carisi’s eyebrows go up, and heard a distinctive snicker from Rollins’s desk. Olivia squeezed his hand tighter than before and smiled sweetly at him, though she widened her eyes as she spoke to him on the way out of the squad room.

“Did I say you could do that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate it when characters develop without me meaning to develop them in that way. Also this chapter sort of seems like filler to me, so feel free to critique. I had some trouble writing it, but oh well! Let me know what you think. There's more to come tonight. :)


	4. Possessive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn't supposed to do that, and Olivia makes sure he knows it.

_“Did I say you could do that?”_

The words rang in Rafael’s ears for what seemed like hours, though it was only twenty minutes until they were at her apartment. She had nearly pulled him down the stairs and stepped into the cab before he had, giving directions without asking him. She'd briefly mentioned something about Noah being with Lucy again. He wanted to protest, but he knew from the look she gave him when he started to open his mouth that it would be better for him if he kept it to himself. On the way there, she had carefully but roughly run her hand along his thigh and further up, causing his heart rate to spike and his mind to lose its grip.

“Did I tell you to call me that in public?” she cooed once, shooting him a sharp glance. “Or in front of my squad, for that matter?”

“No,” he responded, smirking in kind. “But I do so love calling you that,” he purred, leaning over to nip at her neck. She sighed and leaned her head back, but eventually he felt a hand in his hair pulling him off. He hissed at the slight pain that shot through his scalp, opening his eyes to look at his Olivia. Her eyes were sparkling, her expression razor sharp, and his breathing slowed down as he realized how hungry she looked. He’d never seen her like that, and he smiled lightly, knowing he couldn’t wait for whatever came next.

“Bastard,” she breathed, her voice lustful but still cutting, and she leaned in to kiss him ferociously, all lips and teeth and tongue, and he responded with a fervor he didn’t even know he had before her. She somehow brought out the best and the worst in him, especially when she had him wrapped around her finger like this. And she did have him, he realized; while she was his, his to hold and to love and to care for, he was completely hers. Hers to hold, hers to do with what she pleased, and it exhilarated him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, taking control of the situation with a sharp nip to her lower lip that made her audibly moan.

The cab driver said something in protest, and Rafael pulled away for two seconds to pull a fifty out of his wallet and slap it into his hand. “Not a word,” he growled to him before pulling Olivia back to him roughly.

Olivia’s mind was spinning. She knew that they both had strong spirits, and she had felt a surge of dominance as soon as they’d entered the cab. She knew she could take him, she could manipulate him, she could have him any way she wanted, within reason. The thought of it thrilled her, sent jolts of need through her entire body. She wanted to take him, have him, _own_ him. But as soon as he put his hands in her hair, nipped on her lip, shoved her back against the cab door to attack her neck, she all but gave up. They both had the ability to completely destroy each other, and both of them wanted it. Both of them wanted to tear the other apart and build them back up, take care of each other in every way they could while they took themselves apart piece by piece.

She was ripped from her thoughts by the screech of the cab stopping in front of her apartment building. She pulled away from Rafael quickly and took out as much cash as she could find in her wallet – it ended up being about 68 dollars – and threw it at the cabbie. She smirked at Rafael wickedly, relishing in the slight quiver of his lip as she stepped out of the cab, never taking her eyes off of him.

“Come on,” she said sharply, a soft command. He did as she asked, quickly following her into the building. They stopped at the elevators, standing as far away from each other as they could due to the two people beside them waiting to go up. Their elevator pinged, and the other couple got on.

“Aren’t you coming?” one of them asked, holding the door open.

“We’ll take the next one, but thank you,” Olivia breathed, her voice too husky to hide anything. The girl smirked and pressed the ‘close doors’ button, and as their elevator whizzed up, Olivia flipped Rafael and nearly slammed him with his back to the wall, kissing him harder than was probably kind. Luckily, he responded just as hungrily, nipping at her bottom lip and swirling his tongue in her mouth until she keened into him and moaned, pulling away a few minutes later when she heard their elevator ping.

As they walked into the elevator – which, thank God, was empty – Rafael shot her a hungry, sharp gaze, eyes darting into her soul it seemed. They were both out of breath, hair mussed, eyes dilated, lips swollen, and minds completely fucked. They sat back against the elevator wall, looking at each other and smiling, both breathing heavily. Olivia thought about jumping on him, kissing him into oblivion, but she stopped herself. She wanted to keep looking at him, his slight smile, his eyes shining with mischief as they usually were. She smiled wider and leaned closer to him, and he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to him gently, protectively.

“We’re like love-struck kids,” she laughed, burying her face in his chest and wrapping her arms around him. Somehow his holding her so gently had her possessiveness fading, being replaced with an unrivaled fondness for him. How had her mood changed so quickly with nothing more than a hug? _God, do I love him?_

He burst out laughing as well, holding her tighter to him and burying his face in her hair. “Yes, I suppose we are. But what’s wrong with that?”

“Absolutely nothing,” she replied quickly, kissing him again softly. This time, she savored it. They moved slowly in their kiss, exploring each other’s’ mouths carefully and gently, with the occasional nibble or bite thrown in to make the other groan. They wanted to signal their desire along with their gentleness. They would take care of each other, and they both knew it. When the elevator signaled their arrival on her floor, she barely registered the sound, and yelped and laughed when Rafael lifted her up and wrapped her legs around him.

“Which apartment?” he breathed into her ear, nipping her earlobe as he said it.

“3C,” she sighed, leaning her head back. “Keys are in my left back pocket.”

She felt his hands slide into that pocket, and she whined when he let his hand explore for a bit after he’d found the keys. He knew how to drive her insane even after such a short time of being together, and that fact had her head spinning and her body keening. “Jesus, Rafael…”

“ _Si, mi amor?_ ” he murmured as he walked them down the hallway, keeping his head on one side of hers so he could see where he was going.

“ _Me vuelves loca, Rafael,_ ” she breathed, smirking as she felt a shudder creep down his spine. She’d hoped she was having the same effect on him, and from that reaction, it looked like she was.

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to throw you over your sofa and fuck you until you can’t even remember English, _mi preciosa_ ,” he warned as he fumbled with her keys and unlocked the door, walking them both inside.

“Good,” she replied, chuckling and nipping the part of his neck she could reach. Those words had send a shudder through her, and a sharp jolt of anticipation straight to her core. “But don’t underestimate me, Barba. That’d be your first mistake.”

“Oh, I haven’t,” he replied in a sweet voice, laying her down on the couch in front of him and quickly climbing over her, pinning her arms above her head. She struggled minutely to get a feel of his strength, and she couldn’t budge. “Trust me, I haven’t.”

As he leaned down and pressed kisses to her neck, she stopped struggling, laying back and closing her eyes. She’d give him the upper hand for a while, knowing how much he’d wanted this. She liked to think she was being considerate, letting him do what he wanted to her, letting him hold her down like this while he unbuttoned her shirt and unclasped her bra. She knew it wasn’t that, though; her body wanted to let go, as much as she despised it. The small bruises she knew he was leaving as he kissed his way down her chest, his blunt fingernails leaving light scratches here and there, had her eyes rolling back and her breathing speeding up. She couldn’t have resisted if she’d tried, and that fact was both frightening and exhilarating.

She felt his hands go to her waist and to her zip, and she used her new-found freedom to tangle her fingers in her hair and pull him roughly towards her. “Not yet,” she whispered simply, sitting up and grabbing his hands in hers tightly, moving so that her face was inches from his. She stayed there for a moment, smirking as she realized the look of pure lust on his face. He was on his knees in front of her, his hair was ruffled, his eyes were half-open, and his mouth was slack-jawed; she took that as one of what she hoped to be many small victories.

Before she could get too lost in her handiwork, she leaned forward, hoping he would take her hint. He followed her direction and laid back, and she moved to straddle him as he had done her only moments before. She didn’t pin his hands above him, though; she started kissing him, both of her hands cradling his face at first before moving to unbutton his shirt. He shrugged his jacket off, followed by his shirt, and Olivia wasted no time in exploring; she kissed, touched, and even nipped at every inch of flesh she possibly could, searching for any places that made his eyes roll back or his mouth fall open.

She could feel him starting to move underneath her, and his hands roamed her sides, palmed her breasts, started to cause lapses in her concentration. She had eventually had enough, and took them both into her own hands again, resting them on her hips and looking up at him with a small smile. “Right there. Don’t move them,” she commanded smoothly.

Rafael nodded his head so slightly that she almost didn’t notice it, but she smiled once she did and went back to her work. She made it down to his navel and started to feel his hips moving upwards towards her. She was delighted to hear every sound he made, and wonderfully content at just how pliant he could be. She had never taken him for the passive type, and yet she knew this wouldn’t last; he was just as eager to take her over as she was to take him. Smiling at how easily she was unraveling him, she moved her hands to his belt, then felt his own hands move upwards towards her waist.

“Uh-uh,” she growled low in her throat, digging her fingernails into his right side hard and making him arch off the couch with a small but strangled sound. “What did I say?”

He nodded his head quickly, looking down at her. She wasn’t surprised to see the spunk in his eyes, the confidence that remained even in the state they were in. She chuckled at that and took off his belt swiftly, undoing his zipper and tugging his pants down. “Okay. Now you can move them,” she conceded, sitting up and scooting backwards, admiring with a smirk the red marks she’d left on his waist. “Off with those.”

Rafael smirked as he lowered his hands to his pants, taking his time in slipping them off while Olivia removed his shoes and socks. She had already finished before he had them halfway off, and she watched hungrily as he finally took them completely off and threw them to the side. He took use of her lapse in focus, surging forward to pin her back down. It was a continuous power struggle, and Olivia lived for every moment of it.

In minutes, they were both completely undressed, each pinning the other down every so often to take back even a tiny sliver of control. Once when Olivia was on top, he managed to touch her in a way that had her limbs going limp and her back arching. It was featherlight touches on her waist in just the right spots that had her keening and moaning his name. She couldn’t believe the control he had over her, and he thought the exact same thing. She had twisted her fingers in his hair at a certain angle once that had his eyes rolling back in his head and his mind blanking.

After about five minutes, which seemed like hours to them, Olivia straddled his hips and sat up, looking down at him with a smirk. “Ready to give up yet?” she whispered, rocking her hips over his and eliciting a moan from him.

“Not a chance,” he breathed, letting his hands rest at her hips and gripping them hard. “You?”

“Uh uh,” she replied softly, leaning down to kiss him and moving her hips in a steady rhythm. “But holy fuck, I’m ready to call it a draw,” she whimpered when she felt one of his hands move to where she needed it most, massaging with just enough pressure on her clit to make her see stars. “ _Quiero cogerte_ , for God’s sake, just fuck me…” she moaned, deciding that she needed him, and she needed him _now._

That did it. Rafael flipped them over quicker than Olivia knew was possible, spreading her legs wider with one knee as he straddled and kissed her, hard. He noticed Olivia starting to guide him into her, and he pulled back, looking her in the eyes.

“Protection, Liv.”

“I’m on the pill,” she assured him, pecking his lips gently. “And I swear to God if I have to wait one more second – “

When Rafael thrust inside her, hard, she choked out a moan and laid back, digging her nails into his back and arching up towards him.

“You won’t have to,” he breathed as he started a punishing rhythm, biting where her neck met her shoulder.

Olivia couldn’t move at first, simply letting him do what he wanted. She was too shocked at his sudden movement, but after a few moments she managed to snap her hips towards his with every thrust, carding her fingers through his hair and sitting up on one elbow to get a better angle for both of them. “Fuck, Rafael,” she moaned, her voice high-pitched as her head fell back to give him more access to her neck.

They moved together in a harsh rhythm, Rafael occasionally biting down and making her shiver, Olivia moving her hips in a way that had his own stuttering. She felt his body losing control, and used the opportunity to flip them gently, keeping him inside her. She smiled at that victory, supporting herself with one hand on his side.

“What have we learned from tonight?” she snarled in his ear as she began to ride him, biting down on his neck as he’d done to her and digging her nails into his sides.

“Okay,” he conceded, his eyes closed and his breathing ragged. “I won’t call you that without asking, I promise, just _please_ …” he growled, but smiled minutely all the same. He enjoyed this more possessive side of his partner, especially in their current position.

“Shh,” she whispered, kissing him gently as she slowed her pace. She’d never heard him beg before, and she had to admit she didn’t mind seeing him a bit unraveled. She laughed as she kissed him, and after a moment sped up to give them both the release they needed.

She felt his hand move to rub circles at her clit, and in moments, she snapped in half in the most beautiful way she’d ever known. Her whole body coiled and released within seconds, and she could barely breathe it felt so good. Her back arched and she let out a series of choked moans as her body convulsed above him, unable to keep up a steady rhythm as her orgasm overtook her. She heard herself scream his name as she nearly buckled above him, and felt as his own release began shortly after hers. Once the initial shockwave had subsided, she made a rather weak attempt to ride him through his release. She felt him relax underneath her, and she fell to her elbows, both of her arms shaking as she lowered herself onto him slowly.

Moments later she felt a light pressure on her shoulder, realizing Rafael was shaking her gently.

“Liv?”

“Hmm?” she hummed rolling onto her side next to him, mind foggy as she opened her eyes to look at him.

“You scared me for a second there,” he whispered, putting a hand on the back of her head and bringing her toward him so he could kiss her forehead. She saw in his eyes and felt in his breathing that he was absolutely spent, and she curled up a bit at that realization. “You passed out for a bit, I think.”

“I’m not surprised,” she laughed, out of breath. “That was…fuck,” she whispered, her body still singing from the high of her release.

“Yeah,” he scoffed, smiling and giggling lightly. “That was amazing.”

“I was a mess.”

“A beautiful mess,” he countered, kissing her forehead again. “God, you were stunningly beautiful, Liv.”

“So were you,” she replied, laying her head on his chest and curling into him.

They stayed content like that for a few moments before Olivia managed to stand up, taking his hand in hers and leading him into the bedroom. They both cleaned up and Olivia slipped into her bed, unbelievably thankful for the coolness of her sheets. She felt him slide in behind her and wrap an arm around her side. They laid like that for half an hour or more, occasionally shifting to hold the other’s hand or kiss each other. Finally, after they’d settled into a half-asleep state, Olivia turned herself around to face him, and he held her close to him, opening one eye and smiling.

“What?”

“I love you,” she said simply, smiling minutely.

“I love you too,” he replied quickly, kissing her nose and making her giggle. “Now…sleep…please.”

“Okay,” she whispered, curling into his chest and following him into sleep. She’d need the energy to deal with Sonny “Wingman” Carisi and the rest of the squad the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What possessed me to write this? I don't know. I hope you enjoy it all the same!


	5. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia has a panic attack, and Rafael suggests something different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PANIC ATTACKS ARE IN THIS CHAPTER. And for those who ask, yes, I have had a panic attack before. It's different for everyone, but these are usually how mine go. They can be short, like in this chapter, or much longer, depending on the source of the stress or the panic. If you're not up for reading anything about panic attacks, this chapter is not for you.
> 
> I might update this later tonight? We shall see

It was nearly 2 o’ clock in the morning on a Friday evening, and Olivia was exhausted. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and every way in between. Sitting at her office desk sifting through never-ending case files and evidence, she wondered briefly how in fresh hell she kept up with it all, how in hell she managed to stay sane in the midst of all the chaos that these people had been through. She felt selfish for a brief moment as she took off her reading glasses and all but threw them onto her desk, pinching her nose and leaning forward on her desk. She hated all of the paperwork, all of the filing, all of the strings that had to be pulled and nearly twisted to their advantage. She knew, though, that she didn’t feel sorry for herself, but for the victims. She felt sorry for the countless men and women who endured what they did, and for the amount of work and time that was necessary to put all of the accused to justice. It was never-ending, and she could never seem to let her mind rest.

A vibration on her desk snapped her out of her thoughts, and she quickly turned to see the blue light of her phone screen illuminating what she realized was a very dimly lit room. She saw Barba’s face, and her spirit lightened slightly, though her stomach flipped at the prospect of answering her phone. She was exhausted and furious, and tired of it all, and she didn’t want to talk about it…or did she? She wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted, she realized, other than a glass of wine and some sleep.

With a sigh she picked up her phone, running a hand through her hair and leaning back in her chair. “Rafael, hi.”

“Hi, Liv,” he replied, the concerned tone in his voice nearly making her cringe. “It’s late, y’know. I put Noah to bed for you; he fell asleep wondering where you were.”

Those words put a dagger through her chest, and she grimaced. “Oh, God, I’m sorry…I’d barely even looked at the time…”

“I know, _querida_ ,” he murmured, his tone much softer and more at ease. “I’m just worried about you is all. What’s going on?”

“I…nothing,” she lied, breathing out a nervous laugh and trying to smile. “Nothing’s wrong, just…busy.”

“Alright,” he relented after a long pause, during which Olivia had been holding her breath that he wouldn’t press her. “At least promise me you’ll be home soon.”

“I will be,” she assured him, starting to shuffle papers back into their respective folders.

“I hear you moving papers,” he scoffed, chuckling lightly. “Do not bring work home. At least not tonight. I know you said nothing’s going on, so if that’s true, prove me right, hm?”

Olivia groaned loudly and moved her phone away from her ear for a split second. “Fine,” she sighed indignantly, smiling despite his insistence. “But you’d better have a glass of red ready for me when I walk through that door.”

“Done and done,” he said before hanging up the phone, leaving Olivia alone once again inside her dimly-lit, brooding office in the middle of an empty precinct.

She had to admit, it was certainly eerie how empty everything seemed. She wasn’t a stranger to working late on cases or getting involved in them, but something about tonight seemed…still, standing, unmoving. She felt an aura of uncomfortable calm around her, and she supposed she understood slightly what it would feel like to be the last person on Earth. She stared at one corner of her desk and zoned out briefly, noticing every curve of a pen and every crack in the wood until she was snapped out of it by another vibration of her phone.

_Love you. Be careful getting home._

She smiled and chuckled at Rafael’s text, standing up and slinging her purse over her shoulder. She loved being able to see the side of him that no one else did; he constantly worried about her, her safety, her wellbeing. He was soft around her, mostly when they were alone, but soft nonetheless. He treated her carefully, smiled more sincerely, and still maintained his biting wit and sense of humor that she fell in love with. Since the day they’d been discovered at the precinct, their relationship had progressed without them really meaning it to. They grew closer without needing to try; they went to dinner, he stayed at her apartment occasionally and vice versa, and he even started to help her with Noah when he knew she’d be out late or on weekends. She turned her phone screen off and shoved it into her bag with her reading glasses, carrying her coat in her elbow as she walked out of the precinct and into the elevator.

In the cab she had waved down, she leaned her cheek against the window and focused on the cold to keep her awake and aware. She stared out the car window at the street lights and shop windows, trying to keep focused on anything other than her thoughts. The 2 AM quiet didn’t help with this, as there were fewer cars on the streets and far less noise to keep her wandering brain occupied. She soon felt a tightness in her chest, one that gradually increased the longer she was in the cab. She hadn’t felt anything like it in a long time; in fact, she wasn’t sure if she’d felt the same thing before. She was acutely aware of it but pushed it to the back of her mind as the cab pulled up to her apartment building. Handing the driver a twenty-dollar bill, she stepped out of the cab and let the cold air clear her head briefly, smiling gently as he drove away before heading into her building.

Once she’d reached her apartment door and began fumbling with her keys, she noticed that the tightness in her chest hadn’t gone away, but again ignored it. She was fine, she kept thinking; nothing memorable had happened that day, she hadn’t been hurt or in danger, and yet her body was extremely tense. As she walked into the apartment and saw Rafael sitting on the couch with two glasses of wine resting on the table, she immediately pushed it back again.

“Thank you, Raf,” she breathed, closing the door and throwing her coat over the coat rack. She sat down next to him and took a long sip of her wine, hoping to ease her nerves. “Needed this,” she breathed, closing her eyes and leaning back.

“I can tell,” he murmured, and she could still feel his eyes on her. She knew he was concerned about her, though she thought she’d managed to hide it fairly well. Then again, Rafael had a way of seeing through her; he always had.

“Nothing happened,” she breathed, lolling her head to one side and opening her eyes to meet his. They shone with worry, and her chest grew tighter at that. “I’m alright, I think…” she sighed, noticing her breathing was shaky. “Just…long day, I think.”

Rafael was clearly terrified for her but didn’t say much of anything. He’d usually been talkative, ever since they’d starting spending nights at each other’s apartments. They’d laughed, they’d cried, they’d slept together and learned more about each other than they’d thought possible in the last few months. She worried now that he wasn’t saying anything, as she thought maybe he could see something that she couldn’t. It was a tense silence, but a loving one nonetheless, so she dealt with it.

“Olivia,” he began after a few minutes of sipping their wine in silence, and hearing her name in such a calm and concerned tone make her stomach flip. “You’re not telling me something.”

“No…I’m not,” she started, though realized her voice was catching. Her breathing was starting to become irregular, and her heart rate was increasing. _What the hell?_ “I’m just…stressed. There’s so much going on at once, and I can’t be there for everyone…not for the victims, not for my squad, not for…you, not for Noah,” she whispered, setting her wine glass down with a shaky hand as she realized what was happening.

“Olivia…” Rafael breathed, setting his glass down and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I…” she started but found herself unable to breathe. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t recognized the signs, though it had been years since she’d had a panic attack and nothing of this intensity. She reached out a hand to grip his shoulder and closed her eyes. “Panic attack,” she breathed, feeling like she could cry. _What the fuck is wrong with me? It’s just work stress! Why am I panicking!_

“Olivia it’s normal, nothing is wrong with you,” Rafael breathed gently, squeezing her shoulder. She hadn’t realized she’d said that aloud, and hadn’t realized how much of her weight she was leaning on Rafael.

“God, I’m sorry,” she panted, smiling nervously and trying to regain a semblance of control over her body and mind. She took a few deep breaths but felt a tear roll down her cheek nonetheless.

“Jesus,” she heard Rafael breathe, and everything started to blur together a bit in her head. She felt his hands turning her by her shoulders to look at him, felt his forehead pressed against hers and his arms wrapped around her. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing, tried to feel him as close to her as she could, and she took one long, shaky breath after another until her thoughts finally settled. Everything was tense before, tight, painful, and she’d felt It took an eternity it seemed to her, though Rafael told her later it was more like ten minutes. She was acutely aware of every moment, every racing heartbeat in her chest, every shaking breath she let out, and it terrified her. She could hear his voice in her ear the whole time, telling her he was there and that she was safe.

“Liv, it’s okay…just keep breathing, you’re fine, you’re safe…”

“I know,” she breathed after a while, opening her eyes and looking into his to ground her. She had her arms pinned straight at her sides, and Rafael was gently running his hands up and down her upper arms. She focused on that feeling, on the closeness and the safety, and eventually managed to get to a calm enough state to look at him and talk to him.

“I’m sorry,” she said, smiling weakly and looking down at her hands that she’d now crossed in her lap. “I don’t know what happened.”

“I do,” he replied gently, reaching out and taking one of her hands in his. She had never seen him so concerned about her, so ready to drop everything to ground her, and she smiled genuinely as she looked up at him.

“I do,” he repeated. “You worked yourself into a complete panic. Olivia, these cases take their toll on people, especially you. You try to work through it, but you have to stop doing that.”

“I know,” she replied, suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable. She felt her eyes stinging with tears that threatened to spill, and she blinked to try and get rid of them. How the hell could he open her up like this? He was just talking to her, normally, but he was gentle with her and concerned about her, and something about that all together made her completely lose her composure. “I know, Rafael, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said, smiling and wiping a tear from of her cheek. She hadn’t even noticed it fall. “It’s okay. Look, I’m going to make some tea, because wine is the last thing you need right now, I think,” he asserted with a small nod.

“Good point,” she laughed, squeezing his hand in both of hers. “I’m going to get in the bed, I think. Is that alright?”

“Why are you asking me?” he chuckled, walking into the kitchen and pouring out their wine glasses. “After that episode? I’d be surprised if you did anything else.”

“Thanks,” she breathed, walking to him in the kitchen and leaning against the counter next to him. “I’m sorry about that…I haven’t had a panic attack in years.” She brushed her hair behind her ear and tried not to look at the ground but failed.

“You don’t have to apologize,” he reiterated, turning to face her and smiling gently. She swore his smile was contagious. “It happens when you focus on this job. Especially after Lewis, Munson…”

“I know,” she stopped him, closing her eyes briefly. “But it’s over now. Thank you for helping me through it. Don’t know what I’d do without you, sometimes.”

“Work yourself into an early grave,” he joked, smirking at her and placing his hands on either side of her waist.

She melted into his touch instantly, letting out a long breath and feeling the tension in her body dissolve. She felt grounded whenever she was close to him like this. He always felt warm, and concrete, and _there_. He was something and someone she could hold on to, and she knew he’d be there for her if she needed someone. She always hoped he felt the same way about her; she hoped he knew just how much he meant to her, how much she truly cared for him. She worried about him constantly; the threats he got in his field of work, the criminals he faced in court, even feared him being reprimanded for having the balls to defend her squad. She wanted him to be safe because he made her feel so at home it scared her.

“You’re probably right,” she replied, grinning widely and letting her eyes flutter shut, leaning her forehead against his. She felt his hands tighten their grip before his arms wrapped around her middle entirely, pulling her to him and encircling her in a haze of calm. “But I have you. And I couldn’t be happier.”

He hummed slightly in response, and one of his hands moved to her cheek. She leaned into it readily, opening her eyes ever so slightly to find him smiling at her. His eyes were a brilliant green, and she couldn’t help but grin as she got lost in them.

“I couldn’t be happier, either,” he reminded her, kissing the tip of her nose and pulling her head to his chest. He rested his head lightly on top of hers and wrapped both arms around her again, gently rubbing her back and keeping her as close as he possibly could. “And do you know what?”

“What?”

“I think about you constantly,” he whispered, and Olivia’s heart jumped. “I worry about you. Not just during tough cases, but when you work like this. You work so hard to care for other people that you forget yourself, and I’m scared for you. I don’t want you to hurt, I don’t want you to panic. I’m sorry all of this is happening,” he breathed, stroking her hair and nearly making her purr. “I want you to be happy, that’s all.”

“I’ve never been happier, Rafael,” she whispered, wrapping her arms tighter around him and fighting the lump in her throat. “I just get...so involved, with everything…the cases, the victims, the lawyers – “

“The fight,” he finished for her, pulling back to cup her face and look directly into her eyes. “I know. But tonight, just take time for you. For me, for Noah, please…”

“I know,” she whispered, putting a finger to his lips. “I will. This weekend, no work unless it’s urgent. I’m all yours, Rafael,” she said coyly, chuckling slightly when she saw the corner of his mouth twist up in a smile.

“No,” he pointed out. “You’re all yours. And you need to understand that sometimes.”

Olivia smiled and pulled away from him reluctantly, but took his hand in hers and tugged lightly. The knot in her throat hadn’t gone away, and she spoke with a slight tremor. “Thank you.”

“Hey,” he whispered, smiling lovingly at her. She thought her heart might burst. “It’s okay.”

“Mm,” she replied, letting herself relax slightly. “You sound like me rationalizing during an interrogation.”

“And you’re starting to pick up my people-reading skills,” he rebutted, smirking at her and pulling her to him again.

“How are you so incredibly beautiful when you’re making fun of me,” she said in a snarky tone, giggling.

“Just pointing out facts,” he replied. “I’m not making fun of you, just calling it how I see it.”

Olivia chose not to respond to that, mostly due to the fact that he’d started kissing her neck while he’d said it. She melted into it, letting out a long breath and wrapping her arms around him again.

“Rafael…I’ve got to go to bed…”

“Today’s Friday,” he reminded her, nipping at her pulse point and making her breath catch. “So, if I’m not mistaken, neither of us have work tomorrow morning. Furthermore,” he replied, running one hand up her side underneath her shirt lightly. She shivered at that and nearly fell over. “If my senses aren’t mistaken, you’re enjoying this.”

“Stop being a cop,” she snorted, batting his arm lightly. “You sound like my detectives.”

“Or what?” he challenged, pulling her flush to him and kissing her collarbone. “You’ll collar me?”

“Impersonation of a police officer,” she breathed, struggling to focus on her voice. “That’s at the very least a fine, at the most maybe 5 years.”

“You couldn’t get me in for 5,” he reminded her. “I haven’t _pretended_ to be a cop, just acted like one, and plus, I’m dressed in plain clothes, so it would be difficult to prove to a jury,” he asserted, nipping her neck again. “Most of your case would be he-said-she-said evidence. I haven’t falsely arrested you – “

“I beg to differ,” she interrupted, pulling his face up so she could look at him and smirk. “I’d say this is detainment, wouldn’t you?”

“You’re free to go at any time,” he reminded her. “Not detaining you.” He stared at her for what seemed like hours, and she couldn’t help the shaky breath that left her lips as the moments passed. He leaned in so that she could feel his breath on her lips, but not quite close enough for their lips to meet. “And I don’t think you want to leave.”

“Fuck you,” she breathed, kissing him hard to shut him up, wrapping her arms around his neck. She felt him lift her up and wrap her legs around his waist, and she couldn’t help but let out a laugh as he put her on top of the counter. He did the same, nearly snorting as he rested his forehead against hers when they broke for air.

“You know, I might have an idea to help you relax,” he told her, kissing her softly and languidly in a way that made Olivia moan and lean into him.

“Hm?” she hummed after they’d pulled away.

“You’re always helping other people,” he breathed in her ear, and she felt his hand travel to the waistband of her jeans. “And I want to help you, this time.”

She heard the metal of her handcuffs click and hissed in a short breath. Her body shivered at the prospect of him binding her, taking her, having her, holding her…

“You can’t be serious,” she breathed, though without reluctance.

“Only if it’s alright with you,” he reminded her, looking at her in the eyes as though he was trying to read her. It always amazed her how careful he was with her; she swore he wanted a written and notarized consent form sometimes.

“Yes,” she whispered lightly, her breaths coming in short pants now. “Please.”


	6. Restraint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shameless, plotless smut. It's fluffy at parts, but 100% explicit. Be warned :')

_“Yes. Please.”_

That was all Rafael needed to hear from Olivia before he was on her. He kissed her slowly and softly, and Olivia keened into his hands as they moved up her torso. He lifted her up and wrapped her legs around his waist again, and she yelped playfully and broke away from him to giggle lightly. He simply moved his ministrations to her throat, kissing and biting at spots he knew would drive her up the wall with want, and her giggles dissolved into throaty groans as he walked her to her bedroom. She wasn’t sure how he was able to see behind her, but he managed to get into her room and all but throw her onto her bed without bumping into too much wall.

“Rafael,” she breathed when he moved down to her chest. “Rafael slow down…Noah – “

“Won’t hear you if you stay quiet. He sleeps like a rock, you know that,” he growled, moving up to kiss her again. She was surprised he remembered that; she'd only mentioned it once. Despite his rebuttal, he relented and slowed down, allowing her breathing to return to a pace that she could call normal. She had her arms wrapped loosely around his neck while he nipped at her pulse point and left an obvious love bite. Oddly, she couldn’t be bothered to care; everything he was doing felt so fucking good that she was starting to feel glad she’d given up control in the first place. She knew he was good, but somehow tonight something else came out in him; something more primal, but simultaneously gentle and loving, and she wasn’t sure how to process it other than allow herself to experience it. His eyes bore into hers every so often, and their shade of green had her mesmerized for those moments before he dove down again. Her body gave into everything he was doing, and she let her mind follow suit just as easily, feeling her thoughts clouding over. She couldn’t resist him if she tried.

He quickly but carefully unbuttoned her shirt first, slipping it out of her jeans and over her shoulders, biting the right one in the process. She moaned in approval, twisting her fingers in his hair in a way she knew he liked before she felt his hands encircling her wrists and pinning them down to each side of her head gently.

“This time,” he whispered, kissing behind her right ear and trailing his lips down her neck. “Let me do this. For you, to you…I want to make you feel good. Can you trust me?”

Olivia nodded her head furiously and bucked her hips upwards, getting her an audible purr from the man above her; she already felt him getting hard and delighted in that realization. “Of course.” Even if she let him have control, she’d do everything she could within reason to have a little fun of her own.

“Good,” he breathed, taking her shirt off of her arms and unzipping her fly. “Then let go for me,” he whispered, pushing both of her bra straps down and unclipping it before she even knew he was doing it. She hissed lightly when she felt his fingers brush her skin just underneath. “Just breathe…let me have you.”

Olivia let out a long moan at that, thanking God she’d closed the door behind them somehow as they’d stumbled into her room. “Please,” she nearly growled. “I’m all yours, tonight.”

Rafael’s body shivered above her at her words, and she grinned lightly as she reveled in that one small victory. His hands traveled up and down her sides lightly, his fingertips leaving wakes of electricity that went up and down her spine, and when he pulled her bra off of her and ran one hand smoothly over one breast, she let out a long breath and arched into him. Every move and counter move he made had her on the edge of something that she could never reach, but she didn’t regret her decision in the slightest. He had her completely at his mercy for once, and she felt exhilarated, aroused, and completely safe in equal measure. It was the closest to ecstasy she’d ever been, and she never wanted it to stop.

At one point during what she assumed was his version of a conquest, she managed to roll her hips upwards a few times against him before he held them down. She loved watching the face he made as he registered the pressure and the friction, reveled in his mouth opening and making a soft sound, and smirked in victory when his eyes shut briefly.

“Liv,” he said assertively, moving one hand to hold her hips until she slowed down. He looked at her directly in her eyes, and she could tell he wasn’t kidding. She’d known, of course, but something in his expression made her compliant underneath him in seconds, and she nodded minutely, laying back as he continued. She’d gotten what she could out of him, but she knew he’d be taking over from then on, and oddly enough for her, she didn’t even pretend to care.

Eventually, he moved his mouth to one breast, kneading the other in a way that made her keen off of the bed and into him. He moved both of her wrists to one hand and sprawled his other hand over her stomach to keep her in place while he continued. He bit down on her nipple at one point, and her senses went into overdrive as every drop of blood in her body went south. She was acutely aware of the growing wetness between her thighs and was more than annoyed that she still had her jeans on, so she let him know it with a small cant of her hips and a breathless whine.

“Rafael…goddammit – “

“Shhh,” he breathed, leaving a trail of kisses downward and making her throw her head back. “I know.” She was more than relieved when he finally, but agonizingly slowly, pulled her jeans down her legs and laid them on the floor below them, taking off her heels gently as well. Before he did that, though, he released her handcuffs from her belt, and she shivered when she heard the clink and scrape of the metal as he laid them next to her on the bed. He pulled her legs forward, bringing her closer to the edge of the bed as he got on his knees. She moved to touch him, but stopped herself when she saw the look in his eyes; he looked predatory, like he could swallow her whole, but somehow, he looked aggressively protective, and it made her heart flip in her chest faster than it ever had. She decided then to try and tease him slightly, as the silence lasted just long enough for her to get a word in.

“You’re still fully clothed. How is that fair?” she snorted breathlessly.

“Who said anything about being fair?” he responded with a raised eyebrow, tugging at the waistband of her underwear.

“You work in the justice system,” she reminded him, raising an eyebrow at him in turn and snickering. “That’s literally your job.” She was overjoyed at the relief that this banter brought her from the growing pressure in her lower abdomen, and she sighed ever so slightly and closed her eyes.

“My personal and work life don’t mix, Olivia,” he said softly, kissing the area where the inside of her thigh met her hip, and she sucked in a breath when he bit down. Relief over.

“And here you sit,” she began, sitting up on her elbows and smirking at him. “Getting ready to fuck your division’s Lieutenant senseless. How’s that for personal and work life mingling?”

The obscene observation surprised even her as soon as it left her lips, but she saw smug satisfaction in the ADA’s eyes. He let his blunt fingernails drag down her thighs before even a second had passed. She felt his breath near her center and threw her head back with a choked sound, still supporting herself with her elbows as she heard the familiar jingling of keys in one of his hands.

“So mouthy,” he growled, moving one hand to her chest to pin her down on the bed again as he climbed on top of her. Her eyes widened as she looked into his, now even more piercing than she could ever have imagined. He looked hungry for her, ready to tear her apart in the most beautiful ways she could imagine; it was almost too much for her to keep her eyes open, yet she never wanted to look anywhere else. She felt wanted, loved, protected, completely _fucked_ , and she couldn’t get enough of the feeling those thoughts sent jolting through her body. She keened in wanton anticipation underneath him as he picked her up gently and laid her along the length of the bed, keeping his legs on either side of her and her hands pinned behind her. He picked up the handcuffs and fastened them to both of her wrists so fast she barely noticed it, looping them around one post of the bed frame and locking them with a key that he swiftly placed on the nightstand. She struggled minutely against the restraints, wincing at the bite of the metal on her wrists. It wasn’t enough to hurt her, just enough to keep her still, and she was terrified and exhilarated in equal measure.

“Now stay,” he murmured, though not in a pet way; he murmured it as a soft instruction, one that she should follow out of respect for him rather than out of fear. He wanted her to trust and obey him, she understood, and she laid still yet fluid on the bed, swearing her entire body was melting into the coolness of her sheets as he took his time teasing her. He first let her watch as he backed away from her, and denied her contact while he took off his shirt one button at a time. She couldn’t help but writhe at the sight of it, the anticipation driving her absolutely insane and the metal digging into her wrists every time she moved. She watched every muscle in his arms, every movement of his torso, and she became utterly enthralled with him in a matter of moments. He was a magnet for her, and she would gladly and willingly let him pull her towards him.

When he started touching her thighs gently, she took a few deep, ragged breaths, trying to focus on the feeling. She laid her head back and closed her eyes, vaguely aware of the cool metal against her wrists, a sharp contrast to the fire that was building inside her stomach and coiling throughout her body with the help of Rafael’s electric touches. It was all she could do not to completely lose control. She was completely owned by the man above her in the most delicious way she’d ever known, and yet his ministrations were the perfect mix of hurried and gentle. She noticed herself beginning to writhe as he continued gently massaging her thighs and leaving love bites here and there, unable to stop the high-pitched whines that streamed out of her mouth.

“Olivia,” he breathed against her inner right thigh, and she opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. “Breathe. Relax. I’ve got you, _mi amor_.”

“Rafael…” she murmured, rolling her hips minutely. “It feels so good…but please…” she whined. She was aching for anything that he would give her, anything else that she could take. She was a thread that could snap within moments, she knew, but he was taking his time unraveling her, taking her apart bit by bit only to weave her back together again stronger than she’d been before. She felt hot tears starting to sting her eyes as he kept nipping her inner thighs, desperate for more contact than he was allowing. It was complete agony. She wanted to feel every inch of him, commit it to memory for the millionth time, wanted to feel him inside her and around her and _with_ _her_.

“Hold on,” he whispered, kissing her cheek lightly, and she felt him leave her there on the bed, sprawled out and alone. She focused on the rise and fall of her chest as she took one deep, shaky breath after another, the anticipation crawling through her spine and spreading through her entire body. She let out an instinctual and impatient groan, arching off the bed slightly as she heard him rustling through her closet.

“Rafael…what the fuck!”

No sooner had she said those words that she saw one of her scarves dangling above her eyes. Rafael was holding a blue silk scarf that she’d kept in one of her top drawers, and she raised an eyebrow as she regained some composure.

“Are you sure? Didn’t take you for the blindfold type,” she teased.

“Only if you trust me,” he cooed, kissing her forehead gently. “Might make it more intense.”

Olivia’s entire body shuddered at the prospect of losing her sense of sight in that way. She wouldn’t be able to see him, wouldn’t be able to touch him, and would be completely at his mercy and under his protection. She nearly purred when she whispered her reply.

“Fuck yes.”

The last thing she saw clearly was Rafael’s mouth curl into a smile as he wrapped the smooth fabric over her eyes gently, lifting her head slightly before he tied the ends into an expert knot at the back of her head.

“Too tight?”

“No,” she breathed, sucking in a breath when she felt his hand on the middle of her chest. He slowly moved it down her torso, occasionally dragging his fingernails and making her moan.

“How is it?”

“Fucking…God,” she replied, unable to form full sentences anymore. She couldn’t see his face, but she knew it was one of his signature smug expressions, and she giggled at the thought of it. She felt a sudden sharp smack to her outer left thigh, and she yelped out loud and bucked upwards. It was unexpected, and she hadn’t seen it coming, and _fuck was this going to be what all of it felt like?_

“Something funny?” he asked coyly, and she snapped out of her lust-addled haze to respond.

“Nothing,” she breathed, feeling his hand start to travel upwards on her thigh while the other wrapped around her back and pulled her up just slightly. She let her neck go slack and her head tilt back, hearing the clicking of the handcuffs on the bedpost behind her as the angle changed. She became more aware of the bite of the metal in her wrists, but she didn’t care. She felt his lips and teeth on her neck moments later, and she did moan at that; it was electric, pure fire, and she never wanted it to stop. After minutes of him mapping every dip and curve in her upper body, she let out a choked groan and relaxed her body into his hands.

“Rafael…oh my God, Rafael, _please_ …”

“Alright,” he conceded, kissing behind her ear and making her shiver. “You’ve been good, I’ll stop teasing.”

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed into the bed, feeling her body melting in the most delicious way she’d ever known as he moved his hands gently down her sides as he’d done before, following with kisses and love bites down her stomach. He finally took her underwear off, sliding them down her legs gently. She heard the fabric hit the floor a few feet away from them, and he backed off of her until he wasn’t touching her at any particular point. He was extremely quiet as he stepped off the bed, and she couldn’t hear where he was. She knew he’d keep his promise, and so she waited patiently for him to come back to her, clenching and unclenching her fists as she did and listening to the sounds of the metal against the bed frame to distract herself.

Many moments later and very suddenly, she felt his hand in between her legs, and she moaned out loud, praying that Noah hadn’t heard her. He hadn’t even crawled onto the bed, and he was touching her, dipping his fingers into her and rubbing her clit in ways that sent sparks through her entire body. He had been right; not being able to see or touch him, being completely at his mercy, had her keening and making sounds she hadn’t even thought possible. The moment he curled a finger inside her, her body arched off of the bed and she pulled against her restraints. She made a choked sound, and her jaw went slack as she relaxed back into him.

He slowed down, curling his finger in her three times slowly before moving back to her clit. She rolled her hips in time with his movements, panting and often swearing when he sped up momentarily. He crawled on top of her, his hand leaving her for a few brief moments, and she whined and keened upwards at the loss of contact.

“I’m right here,” he whispered in her ear, and she nearly jumped when she felt his breath on her neck followed by his lips. She hadn’t even registered he was that close, but she couldn’t dwell on that long, as she quickly felt two fingers enter her, then three, speeding up and hitting a spot – _the_ spot – that never failed to make her come undone. His thumb brushed against her clit intermittently, and it was all she could do not to scream with the intensity of it. She bit her lip so hard at one point she tasted blood on her tongue. She had to be quiet, she knew, and it was killing her not to make some sort of noise.

She felt a hand cover her mouth then, gentle but firm, and she knew Rafael must have noticed her problem. She silently praised herself for whatever gesture she may have made that let him know.

“Make as much noise as you want,” he told her. “He won’t hear you.”

Olivia just sighed into his hand at that, fully arching her body into everything he was doing. His hand did well muffling her sighs and moans and choked cries, and she could nearly feel her body splitting apart as he continued. It was like being struck by lightning or set on fire, and she could barely breathe. He had been completely right; handcuffed and blindfolded, she felt everything with an alarming new intensity, and as soon as he sped up and his thumb started circling her clit, she knew that would be it. After a few more moments, she felt the familiar tingling that signaled her release, and she bit down lightly on his palm and made a high-pitched sound that resembled his name, hoping he’d understand what she meant.

“It’s okay, _cariño_ ,” she heard him mumble, and she felt his lips and teeth against her pulse point.

That was all she needed before she came completely undone. She quite literally convulsed underneath him, pulling against the handcuffs and moaning loudly into his hand. Her body coiled and released within seconds, and she choked out a sound as he brought her through her climax. Her eyes were shut tight behind the blindfold, and she felt the metal of her restraints digging into her skin, though it only added to everything she was feeling as she started seeing starbursts behind her eyelids. As she finally came down from the immense high and relaxed into him, she started laughing breathily.

“Rafael…fuck,” she breathed, rolling her hips upward. His fingertips pressed into her hips, holding her steady. He didn’t say anything in response, but she felt his fingers at the knot of her blindfold. Light flooded her vision for a few moments, and she blinked a few times to adjust to it. The first thing she saw when her sight returned to something normal was Rafael staring down at her and smirking.

“Good?”

“Shut up,” she giggled, relaxing into him when he placed a hand on her back to hold her up. “Smug bastard.”

“Not the way to treat the man who gave you the best orgasm you’ve ever had,” he replied, kissing her softly.

“And how would you know?”

“Are you denying it?” he countered, raising an eyebrow as she heard him pick up the keys off of her nightstand. When he unlocked the cuffs, he took both of her hands in his gently, rubbing her wrists to soothe the pain a bit. After a few moments of that, he kissed her hands softly and leaned back. She was still dazed, but she managed to sit up and on her knees. He immediately put his hands around her waist and pulled her to him, and she smiled and buried her face in his neck.

“You still have your _fucking_ pants on,” she breathed, snickering. “How can you stand it?”

“I’m fine,” he breathed.

“Bullshit,” she whispered as she moved one leg between his, rolling her hips gently. He hissed and dug his fingers into her waist, kissing her shoulder.

“Okay fine,” he conceded, huffing out a laugh and kissing her. “What do you have in mind?”

“I can think of a few things,” she mumbled, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down on top of her, smiling up at him. “I’ve got all night.”


	7. Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia realizes exactly what Rafael means to her, and how much they need each other.

It was about 5 am when they finally curled up together in their sheets, or at least that’s what Olivia could tell from the faint bit of sunlight streaming through the window. She had her nose buried where Rafael’s neck met his shoulder, her breathing still labored as she traced circles on his chest with her finger. The sheets were pulled up just past her shoulders, and their limbs were tangled together. She heard a soft sound from him and opened her eyes, turning her head to look up at him and sitting up on one elbow.

“You okay?”

“That’s an understatement,” he mumbled, cracking one eye open and huffing out a laugh. His arm wrapped tighter around her waist and he turned to face her. “You?”

“Exhausted,” she breathed, smiling and letting her eyes flutter shut. “But blissed out. That was…”

“Extraordinary?”

“Something like that,” she giggled, wrapping her arm around him in turn and sighing softly as she rested her forehead against his. They had made love to each other for hours, and Olivia was quite sure she’d never been happier in her entire life. She felt everything for the man next to her; she wanted him, she trusted him…

“Rafael?”

“Hm?”

“…I love you. I really do.” She tightened her arm around him and let out a sigh, unable to stop smiling. She felt as though she was about to cry, but she was too exhausted to even think about it.

“I love you too, Olivia,” he responded without so much as a pause, kissing her forehead and pulling her to him. “So much.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, grinning. “For everything. For tonight, for…for everything, Rafa.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Yes, I do,” she murmured, feeling her voice catch. “I couldn’t…handle my emotions, tonight.”

“No,” he interrupted her, brushing stray hairs away from her face and tucking them behind her ear. “You were human tonight. You were expressing things as you always should. It got a little intense, yes, but you have got to start talking to me. Please, Liv; don’t let it bottle up like this.”

“I know,” she breathed, smiling gently and curling up tighter against him. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. _How does he make me so damn emotional?_ “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he reminded her, kissing her forehead again. “It’s why I love you. You’re human; you’re beautiful, you’re smart, and you’re _human_. And I’ll never let you forget it, because that’s what makes you who you are. Everything you’ve been through, everything you’ve experienced, it makes you who you are. But it never _defines_ you. I want you to know how much you mean to me, and in order to do that, you need to mean something to yourself. Promise me you’ll try.”

During the course of his speech, Olivia started crying silently. She buried her face in his shoulder to hide her tears, though she knew he’d probably figure it out eventually. She didn’t know what to say, so she simply tightened her arms around him and kissed his shoulder, sighing deeply. “I promise.”

She felt his chin resting on top of her head briefly before he placed a hand on her cheek and pulled her face to look at him. “Good,” he said simply, kissing her slowly and wiping her tears away with his thumb. “Now. Sleep. I’m tired,” he murmured, smiling and closing his eyes.

Olivia hummed in agreement, closing her eyes and letting her body melt into the bed. “Sounds good to me.”

…………………………………………………..

                Olivia blinked her eyes open hours later, feeling considerably warmer than she had before. She realized after a moment that she had a blanket over her shoulders and a pillow at her side that she’d grabbed onto while she slept. Rafael was nowhere to be found; he must have gotten up already, she thought. She sat up slowly in the bed to try and wake up, and as she stretched out in the cool air, she heard noise in the kitchen and what sounded like Rafael’s voice, though she couldn’t make out what he was saying. She stood up slowly and pulled a t-shirt and sweats on, walking out into her living room. The sight that awaited her nearly made her jump with joy. She saw a plate of pancakes on the kitchen counter, and Rafael sitting in the living room with Noah while her son showed him his favorite action figures. She supposed Rafael had made breakfast, and Noah had probably woken up long before either of them had; his toys were already evenly dispersed all over the floor and coffee table, and there were dirty plates in the sink. Rafael had let her sleep, she supposed.

“This one is Iron Man. He’s super cool!”

“He looks super cool to me,” Rafael responded, smiling at him and ruffling his hair before looking up and seeing Liv behind Noah. “Noah, look who’s up.”

“Mommy!” Noah shouted, wrapping his arms around Olivia’s legs and squeezing tight. Olivia put a hand on his back and leaned down to kiss his forehead once he let go of her legs.

“Hey, buddy. Showing Rafa your action figures, huh? Did you show him Batman?”

“Duh,” Noah replied, and Olivia had to stifle a laugh.

“I figured. Hey, Noah, you’re still in your PJs. Why don’t you go put some clothes on, huh?”

“Okay Mommy,” he said, running off into his room and shutting the door rather loudly.

Olivia walked over to Rafael and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You let me sleep, huh?”

“Well,” he replied, settling his hands at her waist and smirking lightly. “Noah woke me up around 7:30 saying he was hungry, so…”

“God you’re wonderful,” she breathed, kissing him slowly. She pulled back after a moment. “Since when did you become so…domestic?”

“I know how to make pancakes, Olivia,” he rebutted. “And you needed the sleep.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, pulling him to her and kissing him again.

“Mommy!”

“Coming, Noah,” she called, stepping back from Barba and starting to walk away. She turned around and smiled at him. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered, walking into Noah’s room to tie his shoes. She always knew she loved Rafael, and now that she could say it out loud, she basked in it. She loved him, he protected her, and nothing could ever change that, she knew. She wanted to spend her life with him, and somehow, she knew they would.

“Mama, is Rafa staying with us?”

“Not all the time,” she replied, smiling up at him. “But sometimes.”

“He likes you. He told me so.”

Olivia smiled widely and ruffled his hair, her heart filling up even more if that was possible. “I like him too, Noah. I like him, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just really wanted to write a fic where Olivia's guard is down for a split second and she actually cries (because why does she never cry??? she goes through so much), and hurt/comfort and fluff follows. I just really needed this okay...this will be explicit in later chapters, a fair warning.  
> I hope you all enjoy it! Kudos and comments are much appreciated! :D


End file.
